2017-11-03 / Chaplain's News

Fill your love tank with BP3

Chaplain (Capt.) Kevin G. White
782nd Military Intelligence Battalion

There is no magic required to have a better relationship with your significant other. You simply need to fill your love tank with BP3, Be present, be pleasant and be passionate.

The first key to success in any relationship is to be fully present.

Be open to your partner mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Strive to focus all of our attention on your significant other on a regular basis.

When you routinely focus your attentive energy on your partner, you will continue to grow in love and respect for each other.

There are so many things in life pulling at us for our time and attention. We all have responsibilities, limited time and limited energy. It is easy to let quality time with our significant other go because they love us and will (hopefully) forgive us.

I am guilty of this. I want to honor my wife and ensure she feels loved and secure in our marriage, but sometimes I allow the tyranny of the urgent to overcome what I know is truly best for my marriage. Therefore, making time, actually scheduling time to be present is imperative.

Look for opportunities to spend quality time together. Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, “The Five Love Languages,” says, “Quality time does not mean that we have to spend our together moments gazing into each other’s eyes. It means that we are doing something together and that we are giving our full attention to the other person.” (pg. 60).

The key is to remove distractions and focus your attention. Turn off the screens (television, computer and phone) and be present to your partner. You’ll be glad you did.

Being present is important, but it is equally import to be pleasant.

In Ephesians 4:29, Paul instructs, “Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.”

We must be pleasant. We must be kind. This may mean sacrificing what I want for my partner’s needs and desires, but being pleasant is worth the sacrifice. It may not happen overnight, but choosing to be pleasant will be reciprocated.

Think about it. Are you more likely to do something nice for a selfish person, or for a pleasant person who goes out of their way for you?

Finally, be passionate. Love is a choice, not a feeling. When you first met and fell “in love,” the choice was very easy. Passion was easy. Feelings ebb and flow, however.

The true test comes after the honeymoon is over. Social scientists report that the “in love” state lasts on average about two years.

After that, the choice is yours. You can give up or you can “recognize the in love experience for what it was – a temporary emotional high – and now pursue ‘real love’ with your partner.”

Real love is a conscious choice. It is pursuing life together as partners. It is born out of being present and being pleasant. Commit to increasing your passion.

Choose to have eyes only for your spouse, and to invest emotionally in your spouse. Do not go elsewhere for emotional and physical fulfillment – you will only find and cause destruction and pain.

If you are escaping through hobbies, entertainment or pornography, stop. Those things will fail you. The better, more rewarding choice is to commit to your spouse.

Fill your love tank with BP3: Be present, be pleasant and be passionate.

You will be glad you did.

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